The new age devotion- Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Times are changing and changing fast thus if you are in the game then you better play it by the rules if you wish to cause least inconvenience to yourself.

Ganesh Chathurthi is coming in a few days. The festival popularized by Lokmanya Tilak to propel the freedom struggle by bringing about unity in its masses. It was a festival where the God of wisdom, love and peace is revered for about ten days by his devotees. However don’t you get caught in the old beliefs and nibble away quietly at your lords’ feet for then you shall not be the new age devotee! ‘Coz as I said, Times have changed and here are some tips to make sure you are in sync with them….

First thing you must know to do is dance wildly in the middle of the street and not worry about any ongoing traffic or old and sick people wanting some peace to stay alive! For if you don’t dance to loud music in the middle of the road or if you even have problems with anyone doing the same then good lord save you for you are anti Ganpati Bappa and thus a sinner!! Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Mind you the louder the music the more will be your devotion to the lord. The songs can be anything from “Sexy Sexy to Nanachi Taang”, the only compulsion is that they must have good bass and fast beats, lyrics are not important. Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Don’t worry about the expenses of the speakers, generators, lighting and crowd for if you approach any political party they shall extend you with the help in arranging all of the same since they too are true Ganesh Bhakts and care for your feelings immensely. Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Don’t worry about the stamina to dance for drinking alchohol is allowed. The lord just wants to make sure that the road remains clogged at all times and music plays consistently loud so that your feelings can have him touched. Thus all kinds of intoxicants are allowed but of course non veg is not allowed… for there are certain rules and they cannot be broken. Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Another important thing is the huge pandals with expensive decoration- the money for which comes by extorting the shop keepers from around the area. Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Remember larger the pandals the more will be your devotion to the lord. They can be illegal for there is no law on religion … so your pandals can overflow into the main streets. Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Traffic will by itself get diverted and anybody objecting shall be a sinner who will be delivered of his sins instantly by the messengers of the lord Ganesha- appointed by the sponsor of the pandal- usually sitting around a carom board or a game of cards outside the pandal.

Lastly make as much mess as possible during immersion time around the road to that your devotion is scattered in all directions and don’t worry about the fact that the large idols will break into pieces and float back on the shore the next day because after all you are only human and cannot take care of a god!

….who I am afraid will soon be hidding himself somewhere for these ten days of the year! Ganpati Bappa Morya!

Breaking News ke liye kuch bhi karega!!

This is the media age and thus “breaking news” is a very dominant factor of our lives. Be it the fifteen seconds of fame on a reality show or the trials by media… it is a time where the camera rolls, back ground music plays, the editor cuts and hammers in the mind of the audience a story that then becomes a fact!!

Each time I switch on the news channels, I am amazed to see the news readers or makers as they have now become- chirping away with extreme conviction and joy. I can’t help but try and read in their eyes some hint of embarrassment at over hyping a certain news item or twisting it to suit sensationalism but No! They do it well. They don’t seem to be bothered at what their over exaggeration might do to those concerned or that journalism was meant to present news as it happened and not news as it “should” have happened or news as “shockingly” as you think it happened!

For instance, this morning at breakfast Headlines Today was screaming about Salman Khan breaking up with Katrina Kaif. They showed the interview (exclusive of course!) in which Salman apparently confessed the same and guess what?...He did not do anything of that sort!!! They played the complete interview and what he said was in fact this- “If ever we break up I will come out and say that I and Katrina have broken up”… the channel of course only played the later part of the statement again and again and ran a half hour program on the same! Super!

Another instance was when last evening all the channels were excited because Vishwanathan Anand was called a Swiss national and thus denied (almost!) a doctorate. Later the minister apologized for shooting his mouth and called Anand to accept the doctorate, however Anand could not attend the event due to certain other reasons. On every channel thereafter Anand was explicitly stating that he has no grudge against the Government or the minister and that he could not attend the event due to some other commitments however the holier than thou Rajdeep Sardesai and the care taker of the ‘nation’ Arnab Goswami

tried their level best to push Anand to commit that he was very angry with the minister and the government and a national tragedy had occured. Alas when Anand did not yield, they ended the interview and went ahead with the quotes and headlines that they had any ways planned to relay. They were nothing close to what Anand had stated in his interview!! Voila!

I remember a French man once stating loudly in a bar referring to the TV… “Hey put on something funny and if there’s nothing coming on then just put on BBC!” He of course had his own jibes to take at the British but the Indian journalism has definitely come to that, Breaking News ke liye kuch bhi karega!!

Take a hike people!

Our MP’s demanded a pay hike and have got it. It’s a 300% increase and yet they are unhappy. They have stalled parliament for 2 days demanding higher than the revised salary.

There is nothing wrong in a pay hike that’s been due for as long as it was due in this case. The MP’s were drawing a salary of Rs. 16,000 which by all fair standards was low and thus a revision was called for.

However it is the percentage of the hike (300%!!) and the greed there after that gives reason to the anger and discomfort that one feels towards being understanding to their demands. Instead of the Rs. 50,000 base salary, they want it to be Rs.80,001/- because it would then be at least a rupee higher than the government secretaries!! Of course it is no rocket science to realize that the job profiles of the secretaries are far more cluttered and demanding than the lives and acumen of the MP’s* yet…Phew!

Another very vital element that is very casually mentioned or not mentioned in this salary debate is the “perks” that these elected members of parliament are entitled to making their salaries only a part of what they actually earn- legally!

For instance when their salary was Rs. 16,000/- apart from their office expenses, travel allowances, paid mobile bills and air tickets they would also get a daily allowance of Rs. 1000/-!!!, which means no expenditure at all for whatever else they need is compensated through gifts and favors extended by their well wishers and friends. Thus a salary of 16,000/- is as good as that of around 50,000/- or more!

Now with a base salary of 50,000 and all other expenses and allowances doubled along with a pension that’s almost tripled…they would be earning much more than what the figures show and anyone oblivious to this is under a delusion of being a very good actor for no one in their right minds is going to believe such ignorance.

I did believe that a decent pay structure may reduce corruption and still believe so when it comes to our law enforcement forces but for the MP’s*? I would rather ask myself to take a hike!

* conditions apply as exceptions do exist but unfortunately they are far too minuscule to be considered in any general statement!! :P

To Sir, with Love

Until one afternoon of July’ 2007, when I was sitting in the lobby of Synergy Adlabs waiting to be interviewed for the post of an Asst Director; “Ravi Baswani” for me was just a face of an actor. I did not even know that the name of that face was ‘Ravi Baswani’!

After having spent fifteen minutes with him that afternoon- where he interviewed me- he being the Director of the show- I knew i 'HAD' to work with him.

After having worked with him as his assistant director on the said tele serial that he was directing I realized the vast knowledge and wisdom i could gain from the man and in that process of learning over the last 3 years, the man became my teacher, my guardian angel, my friend, my family and all of this, mind you, without any explicit emotional expression or distinctive declaration. I became a regular at his house where i would borrow books from his collection and see films he had collected often guided by him.

In the process I discovered that I was merely one of the many dreamers/ struggler's/ prospective film makers, actors, technicians etc who felt the way I did. All of these individuals were at various stages under his mentor-ship. This list of individuals had on them, names of film makers and technicians who had made it as big as getting nominated for an Oscar to some who had mastered the art of corrupting cinema and lives to some who simply gave up mid way to some who had nothing to do with film making but whose lives Mr. Baswani had touched, cured and blessed. All of them had stayed for prolonged period of time at Ravi Sir’s place, had read the books he gave them, saw the films he asked them to and followed him like a shadow in their primitive years.

His flat housed in Nityanand building in Mumbai’s andheri suburb was a melting pot of creative activity, a hub for learning, experimenting and even unwinding your frustrations!

I had named it “The Nityanand School of film learning”. There has been something purely healthy and motivating about that place which makes you want to complete that stuck up script of yours or watch that film you have been wanting to see or read that book you could not make sense off. The house also had a board outside that claimed “food is available 24*7”. Apart from food which is unanimously accepted as the worlds’ best dal-chawal prepared by his brother, all of us strugglers- even those who had moved on- to this day wonder how tea in the thermos and old monk in the glass jar never ran out no matter how many people landed up to drink and eat!

For the world he was an actor…. may be even a failed actor who could not sustain what started out as a promising career; but to all of us who were privileged and blessed to know him, he was our “Ravi sir” whose authority was never imposed on us but was always felt… who never asked us for anything but only gave… a guardian who tactfully knew how to handle each one of us in a unique way making each one of us believe that we were closest to him and he to us…and while he was all of this he was also what I called “the oldest child I had ever known!!”

That twinkle in the eye or that mischievous grin from behind the walrus mustache would unnerve the most confidant of high profiles!

It used to be a trip to accompany him for film trials, premiers or any such, “Oh so proper events”, for he would invariably say out loud, what was on everyone’s mind but none had the face or sincerity to say it, only he did!! I felt very strongly that his sincerity and boldness was also a reason why he did only 30 films as an actor in a career spanning 30 years despite being an inspiration to the likes of Naseerudin Shah and himself being an artist who understood the nuances of a performance and the grammar of its delivery. His ability was supreme but what were even more superior were his values that did not give him the luxury to compromise.

Starring one evening at the filmfare trophy that stood on a corner table in his flat I once asked him why there were not more of this or its likes, he looked into my eyes and answered very matter of factly,

“Amey, it’s the choices we make that determine where we head to. I made mine and here I am, others made theirs and there they are. I can’t speak for them but I am one hell of a satisfied man, cheers!”

I believe when you give that much dignity to life; death repays you by delivering you with that dignity. He passed away on the 27^th of July’2010 while he was in Nainital doing a tech recce for a film he was supposed to direct. I had spoken to him a night before and I being the Associate Director on the film we discussed a whole lot of things that needed to be done and said our good nights. He was his usual energetic and naughty self. I never knew then that it would be the last time I would be speaking to my hero.

Next morning he announced that the team (He, an asst director, two production guys) needed to return to Delhi and like was the system, no one asked questions and plans were made to head back. On the way again it was he who insisted on stopping at a dispensary where he walked unaided and waited while the doctor was summoned. However before the doctor could come in and see the patient, the patient had seen what was coming for Ravi sir looked into the eyes of the assistant director-Sarthak- who had accompanied him from Delhi and whispered, “I am going, Take care” and he was gone.

I always used to ask him whenever he foresaw things as to how he did it. He would reply with that characteristic grin and twinkle in the eye, I am afraid I cannot ask him about this last one.

I miss you sir but knowing you I am sure wherever you are, you are a satisfied man and the people around you are having a ball.